There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
