If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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