I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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