i wish there were pregnant emoticons
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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