she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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