Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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