Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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