Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
