pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
So squirting runs in the family.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
