If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize