theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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