people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
