I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
