no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
