She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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