We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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