i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
