I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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