Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Quick, to the slutcave!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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