do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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