You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
