I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
