guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
How's work?
Spinning.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
