he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
