I should be sponsored by Trojan
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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