Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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