Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
