Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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