Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
