Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
