When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
