Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
