Already got asked if we're dating
More tranny stories later!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
