I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
