I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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