I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
