Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
as a side note pls kill me
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
