Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
