I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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