It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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