Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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