I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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