I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
