i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
