I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
