So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
