she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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