saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
