Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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