your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
3pm strippers are depressing
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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