My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
