every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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