another moral hangover. fuck.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
