every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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