Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
