no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I deserve this hangover.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
