omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
