He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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