drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
