if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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