i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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