its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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