playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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